¡°Snowflake¡± students have sparked outrage after Easter bunnies were banned from UK university campuses following concerns that they might trigger flashbacks to ¡°upsetting¡± bedtime stories.

As part of plans to repair relations with students after the month-long pensions strike, universities had scheduled a series of ¡°inclusive, stress-busting Easter roadshows¡± featuring exam-preparation masterclasses, meditation sessions and the chance to pet a collection of Easter bunnies.

The proposals ¨C which have been led by a government task force on student well-being ¨C have, however, been put on hold after objections that the rabbits might reawaken memories of traumatic scenes from the classic children¡¯s book Watership Down, which was deemed ¡°disturbing¡± and ¡°unnecessarily violent¡±.

Advisers have also cautioned against using the animals owing to one bunny¡¯s ¡°uncanny similarity¡± to Beatrix Potter¡¯s beloved character Peter Rabbit, whose ¡°frightening¡± run-ins with Mr McGregor are described as a ¡°morbid psychological drama in which a rebellious rabbit struggles to come to terms with the death and baking in a pie of his father¡±.

ÁñÁ«ÊÓƵ

News that bunnies have been told to ¡°hop it¡± from campus have, however, sparked a backlash from student campaigners, who have branded the move ¡°yet another pathetic example of the no platforming epidemic sweeping UK universities¡±.

¡°First it was Germaine Greer, then it was Jacob Rees-Mogg, and now they¡¯ve shut down the Easter bunny ¨C when will this madness end?¡± said Lucinda Hopping-Flopsy, president of the Student Libertarian Society, who called the ban ¡°a new low in the free speech crisis blighting UK universities¡±.

ÁñÁ«ÊÓƵ

¡°This is a sad day for democracy ¨C banning defenceless Easter bunnies is yet another example of the absurd mollycoddling that we¡¯ve come to expect from today¡¯s politically correct thought police who run our universities,¡± she added.

Ms Hopping-Flopsy also revealed that plans to offer undergraduates free bunny-themed ¡°Bobtail Banger¡± cocktails have also been vetoed amid concerns that the name is too similar to the ¡°Pornstar Martinis¡± favoured by vice-chancellors.

Plans to replace the Easter bunnies with specially trained llamas flown first-class from Easter Island have also been denounced as a ¡°flagrant waste of money from an out-of-touch managerial elite¡±.

The no platforming controversy was swiftly condemned by ministers and free speech campaigners, with the Unfettered Speech University Rankings unveiling plans to create a new ¡°maroon¡± flag rating for any institution that bars Easter bunnies.

ÁñÁ«ÊÓƵ

However, there are hopes that the ban may be lifted after the US president Donald Trump?directly intervened from his Mar-a-Lago golf course, tweeting: ¡°Illegal and unconstitutional ban on Easter bunnies by deep state yet another reason why Crooked Hillary and Dems lost BIG TIME. Fake news media yet again ignores story. SAD.¡±

On personal instructions from Mr Trump, the Office for Students ¨C which became fully operational on 1 April?¨C is now believed to be starting an inquiry into the ban, which will be personally led by its chair, Sir Michael Barber.

¡°If the 1921 Marxist Unity Conference on Cottontail Contagion, held in St Petersburg, taught us anything, it is that flagrant attempts to ban Easter bunnies are the first step to totalitarianism,¡± said Sir Michael.

?