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This week's Final Word comes from an author who once drove an ice-cream van and worked in a funeral parlour:

"Then the back door slammed and my mother marched in on a gust of wind, the knot of her headscarf blown up onto her cheek like a patterned goiter. 'What a mess,' she raged, throwing the letter onto the fire. 'If I'm not sharp, I'm going to miss my broadcast. Fetch the headphones.' I passed them over to her, and she adjusted the microphone. 'This is Kindly Light calling Manchester. Come in Manchester, this is Kindly Light.'"

The winner of last week's competition, who correctly identified Graham Swift's Waterland , is Mrs J. Brown of Plymouth.