"Major management shake-up at Nottingham Trent University after a poll revealed that half the staff had doubts about the institution's strategic objectives" - Times Higher , July 9

From : Jamie Targett (). Director of Corporate Development.

To : All Academic Staff.

I am pleased to enclose the results of our recent Staff Strategic Objectives Survey. Percentage results are given in brackets.

Q1. Are you committed to implementing the fundamental strategic objectives of this institution going forward?

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Strategic objectives? I love 'em. YES (41 per cent).

Committed to what? Are you sure this is a secret ballot? All right, then.

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NO (40 per cent).

Why are you asking me? I'm on a short-term contract. DON'T KNOW (19 per cent).

Q2. Are you committed to Poppleton's new goal-oriented teamwork ethic?

Goal oriented? You bet. Teamwork ethic? Count me in. YES (42.5 per cent).

Committed to it? I wouldn't know one if I met it in the street. NO (42 per cent).

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Why are you asking me? I'm on a short-term contract. DON'T KNOW (15.5 per cent).

Q3. Are you committed to taking ownership of core competencies, envisioning a win-win future and thinking outside the box?

Core competencies. Where would we be without them? A win-win future? Sounds good to me. Can I have my promotion now? YES (45 per cent).

Visioning what? Taking ownership of what? Thinking outside what? Are you making this up as you go along? NO (41 per cent).

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I'm sorry, but I've already given. DON'T KNOW (14 per cent).

These results indicate a high level of satisfaction with ongoing management initiatives. Together with my new colleagues in the Department of Corporate Development, I look forward to leveraging such satisfaction against the future normative exigencies of this institution. Let's go for it!

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Jamie Targett ()