VICE-CHANCELLOR'S CHRISTMAS MESSAGE

Dear Colleagues,

Once again, it is Christmas and, once again, it is time for me to thank you all for your support during the past year.

Once again, this has been a year of growth, achievement, progress and advancement for the University of Poppleton. Several major projects have come to fruition, including the conversion of the former philosophy department into a conference sauna and massage parlour; the eradication of mosquitoes from the lower part of the Science Park; and the extension and modernisation of my own summer residence.

Once again, we had to say goodbye and good luck to a number of colleagues whose contributions to scholarship in areas such as physics and chemistry failed to harmonise with the university's strategic plan for the future going forward.

Once again, we have been devoting our energies to the development and completion of the next research assessment exercise and the alignment of these submissions to the new policy drivers relating to the use of research metrics and the funding of user-oriented research. ( I'm grateful to our director of corporate affairs, Jamie Targett, for his valuable assistance with this paragraph .)

Once again, we are about to begin a new year and our thoughts must therefore turn to the promise of the future rather than the achievements of the past.

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This will, once again, bring new challenges. Let me remind you of the wise words I used last year: "The only constant in today's world is change." ( Could someone check this? )

I hope you all enjoy the statutory three days' break over the festive season and are once again looking forward to returning to work with your batteries charged and full of vigour and ( add in a few more words like "vigour" ).

So, once again, whatever your religious persuasion or sexual orientation, a merry Xmas to you all and a happy and prosperous New Year.

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The vice-chancellor (signed, once again, in his absence by Mrs Dilworth)