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Should the University of Poppleton's Dr Piercemuller lose his berth after the next research assessment and, forsaking the obvious refuge of the quality industry, choose instead to make his de facto Tuscany residence official, he should fit in well with the Italian system.

A poll taken by the university magazine Campus found that 40 per cent of students there denounced their teachers as "not being capable of evaluating their students and exams and not being much good at explaining their subject with the necessary clarity and simplicity".