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A leaked email from our vice-chancellor to prominent local businessman Sir Hartley Grossman of Poppleton Pork Products has raised some doubts about the solidity of our university¡¯s commitment to gender equality.

In his controversial email, our vice-chancellor refers to ¡°the great boys¡¯ night out¡± he recently enjoyed at the Presidents Club dinner at London¡¯s Dorchester Hotel.

¡°Such a pity you couldn¡¯t make it this year,¡±?our vice-chancellor confides to Sir Hartley.

¡°All the usual suspects were at our table: ¡®Big Bill¡¯ Strutters from banking, ¡®Nobby¡¯ Robson from hedge funds and of course ¡®Buster¡¯ Thompson from consumer durables. Also spotted the vice-chancellor of the University of Bolton at a neighbouring table. Remember him? The one with the yacht and the Bentley. Good-time George. That¡¯s right. And then, of course, on came the hostesses! Phwoar! Talk about ¡®revealing¡¯! Old ¡®Nobby¡¯ Robson was angling for a little ¡®rumpty- tumpty¡¯ with the couple of ?lookers who were ¡®servicing¡¯?(!) our table but someone in the know told him he should save his energy for the special ¡®after-party¡¯ (nudge, nudge). Anyway, sorry you missed all the high jinks. Hope all goes well in the sausage business. As good old Nobby always says: ¡®Keep your pecker up¡¯.¡±

When intrepid Poppletonian reporter Keith Ponting (30) approached our vice-chancellor for a comment on his attendance at an occasion that was later described by one commentator as ¡°a slimeball gala¡±, he was initially informed that the vice-chancellor had only ¡°popped into¡± the dinner for a moment or two and upon discovering the true nature of the occasion had immediately made an excuse and left. When confronted with further details from his email, however, the vice-chancellor agreed that he¡¯d remained until the end of the dinner for reasons of politeness but pointed out that he¡¯d only been there in the first place in order to further the business interests of our university, and had not paid for his table, and had been made to feel ¡°very uncomfortable¡± by the presence of the hostesses, and had not himself witnessed any untoward behaviour, and had not joined in the auction in which ¡°plastic surgery for the wife¡± had been one lot, and had not attended the ¡°after-party¡±, which in any case he had not really known about in the first place.

A press statement from the University of Bolton confirmed that the University of Bolton vice-chancellor, George Holmes, had indeed attended the Presidents Club dinner but, in the words of the statement, ¡°did not witness any of the assaults alleged in the press [and] chose to leave as soon as was politely possible at the end of the charity auction after he had fulfilled his role to network with a number of key influential individuals as required of him when he attends such public events¡±.

lolsoc@dircon.co.uk